Now since I have had my mobile phone upgraded to a slinky, shiny black model, I have been absolutely in lurrve with my new accessory – pulling it out at all opportunities to initiate ooh and aah type conversations and to generally bask in the glory that comes with being a Proud Phone Owner (not to be confused with the Embarrassed Phone Owner – who used to be me - who skulks around hiding the phone behind hair pieces, in their bag and under serviettes when at restaurants).

Anyway, everything was going along nicely and happily in my post-upgrade bliss when I realised that the phone timer was out of sync with reality (which would explain why I experienced a week of involuntary sleep-ins one week because my alarm went off for some reason 8 hours after I had requested it to do so – great for waking me up from my 3pm naps at my desk though).

Anyway, this was something that only dawned on me after I sent one of many slightly inappropriate text messages to a friend after which I panicked that it had been a little too inappropriate, and then I checked my phone, somewhat angst ridden, to find out what the time was when I sent the message – information I could then use to calculate whether the response I received was positive (from T + 0 to five hours – in which I would know the message had been taken as a joke – phew) or negative (anything thereafter which would then induce a couple of weeks of grovelling and best behaviour to get myself back on track with said friend).

Unfortunately for me, the phone was set on Moscow time or something similarly irrelevant to my actual life, and although I distinctly recalled sending the message only 3 mins prior, it said that it had been sent at midnight the night before, which was a good eleven or so hours beforehand.

Now, before you say to me: oh that’s really easy to fix… I have already checked the settings on the phone to fix the clock. Oh, yes, it is far more complicated than that – for some reason it is only the sent messages and my alarm clock that don’t seem to want to work for me and not the actual time on the clock. So, if you do have any suggestions, I am very interested to hear them because I am more than certain that I will be sending inappropriate and controversial text messages to people in future and will need to have quick access to time data in order to ease my mind.

Anyway, I have only managed to learn one lesson from this whole debacle: move to Moscow. I do love the cold, and am partial to the odd vodka. What do you think people?