Now being a bit of an introvert at times, I love the whole concept of emailing and texting people. In fact, it wasn’t too long ago (ok…it was a long time ago) when there was no medium for people like me who wanted to communicate with others… without the actual rigmarole of engaging in small talk and chit chat and then having to think of a good excuse to get off the phone back into the safety and comfort of my own little anti-social bubble. So, as you can imagine, I let out a little bit of a hurrah when text messaging and emailing became de rigeur.

Unfortunately, it is very easy to not talk to people these days. And unfortunately this kind of technology can make some people who are already shy / lazy / introverted become even more so and shirk away from the responsibility of actually talking. My recently sacked real estate agent, for example, who continually emailed me instead of picking up the phone and talking to me – which did not leave a very good impression on me and which also made me think about the etiquette of emailing. Because there really is a time and place for it… just like there is a time and place for calling people, and just like there is a time and place for dressing up like a pineapple and drinking tequila shots.

So, in celebration of both lists and inappropriateness, I have decided to come up with Sophie’s List of Inappropriate and Appropriate Emailing Situations. Feel free to nod in agreement to any of the suggestions.

Appropriate

• To invite people to a ‘come as your favourite fruit’ party, two weeks in advance of the actual party (giving people enough time to emotionally prepare and get their costumes in order)
• To say thank you to someone
• To give people a heads up about an office morning tea
• To invite comment about a text
• To ask a simple question
• For a quick chat and catch up

Inappropriate

• To cancel your attendance at an event when the estimated time for leaving the event has been surpassed, which then catapults the recipient of the email into the realm of being stood up, having to wait around, and then having the indignity of coming back to find their ‘sorry, I couldn’t make it’ email waiting for them in their inbox. Very unsavoury behaviour.
• To resolve an obviously complicated issue such as global warming, who the office spoon thief is, or where in the world Carmen Sandiago actually is
• To alert the fire brigade
• To rekindle a romance (trust me, the lovebro just ain’t going to want to go there. Ever heard of the trash folder? You’ll be in it. OK, OK I admit that I have been reading ‘He’s just not that into you’.)
• To send ‘if you don’t send this to 500 people you will die’ emails – very rude, people
• To say good night to someone (duh, they are asleep!)
• To send a virus (ok, this is kind of obvious but some people do need boundaries)
• To play mind games (yes, that’s you crazy ex, and maybe you should read the men’s version of ‘He’s just not that into you’ called, surprisingly, ‘She’s just not that into you.’)

Anyway, I do hope this list has helped you somewhat. If you will excuse me though, I have some emailing to do. Dear ex-boyfriend…